Tag: Focus

When Focus Becomes Spiritual Warfare: Choosing God’s Open Door

On By Christy VinesIn Life, Surrendered Pursuit1 Comment

Focus matters.

That’s basically my current theme of life. Just like taking a photo on portrait mode, it shows how a focal point brings clarity, and the rest exists subtly in the background with a slight blur.

But what if we’ve given the wrong things the central focus of our daily efforts and, in turn, our lives?

My focus has shifted in so many ways over the last few years. With it, not only has a deep sense of satisfaction and purpose settled as adjustments were made, but also an uncomfortable admission as I slowly opened my eyes and awoke to the reality of imbalance displayed by misplaced priorities, allowed to exist for far too long.

I’ve realized the discipline of focus is truly one of spiritual warfare.

But it’s a war far too many of us are asleep to, disengaged from, and, as a result… losing. Distractions are everywhere, so easily shifting the important into the background without us even realizing it occurred.

I admit I’m easily distracted, not only because perimenopuase brain fog has brought with it major attention deficit struggles, but also the constant noise of life. The voices constantly vying for attention. The conflicting messages from social media, the news, culture, opinions… shoot, my own hormones and random thoughts.

Add in my own legitimate needs, the needs of my husband, four children, family, my Belgian Malinois, friends, business contacts, and co-workers; it is too easy to become overwhelmed and led astray off the path that, for some reason, is no longer clearly marked.

Through this season, a common prayer of mine has been:

“Lord, I know you go before to prepare a plan and a path, so let me not walk into rooms you haven’t already been in. Shut those doors, and instead open wide the way you would have me walk today….”

Maybe this prayer can help you as well, to quiet the noise and simplify the next step in your current season.

The next step, not the twentieth step—because we aren’t there yet and don’t have all the information yet. We will when we get there, but that’s not today. God’s grace meets us in the reality of the present moment because the battle isn’t always between good and bad.

Sometimes it’s between what looks good and what God has actually asked me to do today.

Through this process, there is such a sense of peace watching paths unfold without pressure or pushing on my behalf to make it happen.

I continue to ask, “Lord, where should my focus be? There are so many options?” It’s a prayer to reorder my desires to those He has designed.

To stop chasing every open door and start walking through the one He opened… in faith.

Not the door that looks easiest or the most favorable outcome, but the one that He’s walked in to prepare the room beyond for me in advance.

It is a prayer and posture of heart to lay down every good thing God didn’t ask me to carry… in obedience and trust… so I have the capacity to carry what has been set aside, reserved for me.

Most recently, the recognition of the need for focus has become of paramount importance because the enemy would love to keep me busy, scattered, and spiritually exhausted. Tirelessly working to achieve or pursue the next great accomplishment—and for years, that has worked. Each time I think I’ve surrendered and re-centered, the next carrot dangling catches my attention, and before I realize, I’m off on another conquest and pursuit of greatness.

It is exciting and thrilling. It’s an adventure to pursue the next goal and dream. As an Enneagram 3, I come by it quite naturally. However, when operating from a posture outside the submission and surrender to the Lord and his direction, my motivation quickly becomes about me. It shifts to pride, selfishness, and ego…or, on better days, remains within a desire to serve Jesus, yet I am pouring from a dry well, seeking to do things FOR Him instead of WITH Him.

Slowly but surely, through cycling seasons of exhaustion and burnout, I’ve intentionally removed myself from the hamster wheel of pursuit as I’ve always defined it. Through a season of stripping away, this recognized truth has settled itself deep inside my soul.

I don’t need to prove my faith by doing a hundred things. I need to obey God in the few things He’s placed in front of me and trust the process that the dreams He has planted inside will come to fruition in His time, will, and way.

Through this continual process of submission and a series of several gut level and soul purging confessions, a consistent theme began to surface in my journal, and from it, what I hope can meet many others exactly where we all may be in our own individual journeys.

I’ve come to refer to the gathering of my journal entries, writings and research as A Surrendered Pursuit: Aligning Ambition with God’s Will and plan to share excerpts of it here. And maybe, just maybe it will resonate with you too.

The Time Has Come…..

On By Christy VinesIn Our Anti-Kell Pregnancy Journey3 Comments

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

Blah. That’s how I’ve felt this week. It’s not all bad, I’m just worn out. Plain exhausted. Picture me with my hair in a high bun with random hair escaping, oh and add in Houston’s humidity and my normally straight hair has some curl to it…well the random fly-aways do. So annoying. I forgot my hair dryer and really don’t have a reason to dry my hair anyway so it just goes up!

Last Sunday Chaney, Michael and I drove down with our truck loaded full of items for the next few weeks. The next time I see my home we will have Tyler with us. Chaney flew home Wednesday so it has just been me and Michael for a few days. These past several weeks are somewhat a blur with the weekly trips back and forth from Houston and the sense of urgency to accomplish and satisfy my nesting compulsion. Nesting is hard when you aren’t home very often, especially in the weeks and days leading up to delivery. I’ve done my best to prepare our home for Tyler’s arrival and have driven everyone else crazy in the process. The bummer is he won’t come directly “home” from the hospital as we will be 500 miles away! Talk about doing things completely different this time.

However, even with this impending deadline looming I’ve been able to slow down and savor time with my family. This family of mine consisting of us five, for the last time. Over the past few weeks our family has enjoyed pizza and movie nights, manicures & pedicures, fall festival at the school, breakfast dates before school, fun at Fiddlesticks Farm, lunch dates with just me and the girls. We’ve also experienced Julia’s school musical, Katelynn’s eye appointment and her first pair of glasses. We have snuggled on the couch, folded lots of laundry, cleaned rooms and picked up toys. I’ve helped with homework and listened to the girls tell me about books they are reading. Basically the mundane, but as my friend Bailey would say the magnificent mundane. We have been enjoying everyday life with a few special events mixed in, but overall my focus is on the intentionality of each moment and offering myself fully available and engaged to my family. All of the things on my “to-do list” can be tackled later, or not and it won’t be the end of the world. (I tell myself this as my OCD kicks in mid-conversation).

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Breakfast before school. Mom really needed to go to the store, buuuut the girls LOVED it!

I’m not sure why I become so sappy, aside from the obvious pregnancy hormones, but with the birth of each of our children I go through an emotional process. I am fully anticipating the joyful addition of new life, yet grieving what phase of life we are leaving behind. When Katelynn was born I had no idea what we were getting into with parenthood and was basically scared out of my mind. I was grieving the loss of independence but had no idea the joy that would come when she made me “Mommy”. With Julia’s arrival I was unsure how our family dynamic would change. I already felt I was lacking as a mother to Katelynn and didn’t see how I could love both children without taking away from the other. When Michael’s due date approached I FREAKED out because we were about to do this baby thing again, but this time with two school age children. Thoughts that cycled included….“Am I too old for this? Will this take away from my availability to my girls?” Yet without fail, the arrival of each of my children quenched any anxiety and I forgot my initial fears. We made it work, because of the overwhelming love we had for our children. For all of our children. There has never been a shortage of love but abundance. Love grows.

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Fun at Fiddlesticks Farms

With this pregnancy I haven’t gone through this process because most of my focus is directed on appointments and tasks. I haven’t thought much about what everyday life will look like with another sweet baby boy at the Vines house. Partially because I have no idea when we will actually bring him home so it just seems like an idea, but also because I haven’t taken the time to slow down and contemplate the season of life we are embarking on. Yeah, I know I’ve had months to prepare myself. Chaney laughs at me to no end because he thinks I’m a space cadet. I voice my thoughts and concerns often inquiring his opinion and am usually surprised how he has processed the same thoughts weeks prior. It takes me longer to work through the entire process in “thought-land” and I spend much of my time there. Just call me an idealist or a dreamer, but I really find this form of processing very productive and healing. I’m currently in the midst of this process. I don’t really know how I feel. I’m still working through it all, so it has been difficult writing a blog update. I’ve tried to write this for the past 5 days and I don’t want it to be solely information. I’d like to be transparent and real, but I can’t be vulnerable when I’m unsure where to go with it. That’s about as real as I’m able to be right now. I’m overwhelmed and the words aren’t coming as easily as I am used to.

We went to my appointment on Monday and based on the results of the ultrasounds, the doctors have decided to deliver sooner than we originally had planned. Basically my MCA scans were elevated and I am past 35 weeks so an IUT was not an option. Dr. Moise is confident that Tyler will be okay until delivery as there are no other signs of anemia, but he doesn’t want to keep him in the womb for the original goal of 37-38 weeks. We set the date for induction for next Wednesday and that has given us time to take several steps furthering Tyler’s development. I received 2 steroid shots aiding his lung development and a medication that will help develop his liver. Specifically this medication helps his liver have the ability to process bilirubin and lessens the likelihood of major jaundice issues. The doctors also increased monitoring of Tyler as anemia can set in extremely fast. They don’t believe this will occur, but it helped put me at ease. We found out Tyler is measuring 2 weeks ahead of his age and already weighs around 7lbs 12 oz (at 36 weeks). Although he won’t have the opportunity to grow to full term and be a monster baby like his big brother Michael, it looks like Tyler will also be a healthy size.

Tyler will have a mandatory observation in NICU when he is born and several blood tests to measure how affected he is by my antibodies. Several of these tests will continue for weeks after he is born. We don’t have any idea how long his stay will be in NICU and won’t know until he is here. There is a possibility of Tyler needing blood transfusion(s) after he is born, either immediately or over the next few months. All of these procedures are much less dangerous and intrusive once he is out in the world rather than in the womb. We are leaving these decisions to the medical team who see babies affected by antibodies on a regular basis. The problem continues after his birth if my anti-kell antibodies have attached themselves to Tyler’s red blood cells. This can cause late onset anemia and other health issues until the antibodies are cleared out and Tyler is successfully creating his own red blood cells. This is the reason for continued blood draws and monitoring for up to 12 weeks after birth. We have contacted Cook’s Children’s Hospital to be assigned a pediatric hematologist. Our local pediatrician will partner with Cook’s by writing weekly blood orders so we can have these done at home. Our hope is to prevent travel as much as possible while not sacrificing quality of care. If these tests and results are not monitored closely life long health issues can be the result. As long as we stay on top of these tests, Tyler will not have any long term health issues.

Chaney and I toured the NICU at Children’s Memorial Hermann (where we are delivering). I didn’t expect to be so emotional, but I LOST it. I’ve never been to NICU before and I realized not only how hard this will be, but also how blessed we are. This journey we are on is full of amazing medical staff and resources available to us and is something I don’t ever want to be ungrateful for. Although I have anxiety, it’s not about the care we will receive. This is just a brand new experience for us with a lot of “unknowns”. We are in great hands. On top of this, the Ronald McDonald House in NICU will be available to us if we need it. It is separate from the house we weren’t approved for.  If I’m released from the hospital before Tyler, this will be very useful in remaining close to him to nurse and getting rest myself. The RMH is on the same floor and the same wing as NICU with day rooms available for naps & showers and a separate waiting list for evening stays. Our apartment is only 1 mile away from the hospital (another blessing) but I’d rather not be that far away if not absolutely  necessary.

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Fun at the Houston Zoo

The girls will be here next weekend to meet their new baby brother. We had already planned for them to come down and celebrate Katelynn’s birthday next weekend so we are sticking with the original plan. I’m bummed that I will be unable to go around town with them, but I’m overjoyed and full of anticipation to hug their sweet necks. Who am I kidding I’ll bawl my eyes out when I get to hug and kiss them! They will just have to deal.  Michael and I were able to visit the Houston zoo with friends this week and had a blast. I know the zoo is on Katelynn’s short list along with the aquarium. More than anything, I’m so thankful we will all be together for her birthday. I can’t wait for our family to be together…all SIX of us. What?! It will take us awhile to settle in to our normal as the next weeks and months are unknown, but it will be wonderful. It will be our wonderful. It may take a while for the word mundane to apply, but soon enough the days and weeks will turn into years and it will seem like it has always been.

I’m relying on my Jesus so much through this all. I allow myself to remember all the situations in my life that have been difficult. I remember how my relationship with Him has grown stronger. When I have fears I voice them, I don’t try to hide them. I have no idea what the future holds, yet when I trust Him it all works out. When the next doubtful situation arises I remember what the Lord has walked me through. Trust has been formed. Hope is a real experience, not something merely spoken about. I still have new doubts and questions, but in my Spirit I trust my Comforter and Counselor. I just have to hold onto Him and trust the outcome to His plan.

Thank you for experiencing this pregnancy with us. I pray the Lord has blessed you abundantly as you’ve taken the time to pray for us. I don’t know how often I’ll be able to update our progress over the next few months, but know that I will do my best. It helps me to be vulnerable in the midst of it all and I’m so grateful for your support, comments and messages. I pray Tyler’s life be one the Lord continues to use to bring others to Him. I know Tyler has brought me closer to my King and I haven’t even seen his sweet face yet. We all have purpose to be used for His glory, may we not forget this highest calling.

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”  Proverbs 19:21

Exercising Her Wings

On By Christy VinesIn Uncategorized1 Comment

Okay so I’m attempting to post what I’ve already written without getting paralyzed by frustration in formatting. I have several writings with hyperlinks to other documents that include research on word studies and various scripture references, research on butterflies, etc. At some point I hope to have all the kinks worked out, but at the request of a friend I’m going to post the majority of what I’ve already written and go back later to add supporting documents. Like I stated in my “About”, I am a nerd, so a lot of the research may be boring to anyone who reads this, but it is super exciting and thought provoking for me. For now, I will add scripture references at the end of the page.

Writing #2-

This idea and process of being transformed is one not to be taken lightly. It requires intentional effort and the awareness and submission to Christ. The Holy Spirit is our advocate making a way to escape the darkness of our enemies. We face deceit at every turn, not only by the father of lies or prince of darkness, (what we call him does not matter as much as the understanding of his total opposition and contrast to our God, The Father of Light) but also from the world (culture, society) and our flesh. Our lives are lived in a physical climate covered in the depravity of sin. Our hope however is in Christ and with His death and resurrection the snare of sin is released. The veil is lifted and we have a chance in the battle for transformation. In Him we have won and are free to bathe in the glory of His light. Our physical circumstance or location doesn’t change, but our reality does. It changes because He is faithful and will not leave us in despair. Why are there so many of us who proclaim to know the Living God yet walk around lost, trapped and seemingly unaware? We must be attentive to His word and Spirit so we are not lead astray.

There are many ways to simply “change” the appearance of something, but there is only one who completely changes, alters, transforms, and fundamentally re-creates our identity from the inside out! Christ does this and we are transferred into the kingdom of light. Nothing can change our standing as his adoptive sons and daughters. Just as a butterfly emerges from her chrysalis and will never again be confined to the ground crawling, consumed by cravings for leaves as she did as a caterpillar, so we too never again need to be trapped by the lusts of our flesh. A butterfly doesn’t need understand by what exact scientific process of metamorphosis she changed and developed wings before deciding to fly. She doesn’t act like a caterpillar. She relishes in her new identity and flutters her glorious, brilliantly colored wings in the sun; flying free above the ground she was once confined. No one tells her she is still a caterpillar and if they did she wouldn’t listen. It is in her nature to be different, and so she is. How gracious of Elohim, our Creator God to gift us with so many examples of His creative glory.

It is often so much simpler to see ideas and concepts illustrated through nature. Animals exist by survival instincts and respond to their instinctual motivations without persuasion. A bird does not act like a frog, or a turtle as a fish. This would never occur as they just do what they were created for- LIVE. As they live they bring glory to God, just as the trees blowing in the wind and the flowers blooming in the spring all shout of the magnificent splendor of our King! All of creation worships God naturally, except for us. Out of all God created he chose one to bear his image, man. Sin entered this world through us, and as a result of the fall, we are all naturally bent toward sin. Once we receive salvation, the Holy Spirit is granted as the deposit on our soul, and we must rely on His power to fly freely or we will remain trapped by our former lusts.

“When the butterfly emerges from its chrysalis, its wings are small and wet, and the butterfly cannot yet fly. The butterfly must pump fluids from its abdomen through the veins in its wings, which causes the wings to expand to their full size. Next, the wings must dry and the butterfly must exercise flight muscles before it can fly.”

Christ transforms our identity, but we must continually and constantly remain in his love being transformed to His image. We must know Him. The following fact is most likely not new to most, but the moral is one that is too good to pass up.

“Federal agents don’t learn to spot counterfeit money by studying the counterfeits. They study genuine bills until they master the look of the real thing. Then when they see the bogus money they recognize it.” This quote is from John MacArthur’s Reckless Faith, but I’ve heard it referenced many times, and it holds so much truth to focusing on Truth instead of trying to “avoid” lies.

Rather than focus on all we shouldn’t do or all the evil in the world, we focus on Christ and His Word. He is the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father except through Him. That is certainty. From the truth that is Christ, His Word, and the Holy Spirit residing in us, we have power and light to recognize darkness. This is so vital because there is another who transforms, one who masquerades as an angel of light, one who deceives and entices. There are false apostles who themselves are deceived and if we do not know truth, we can easily be led astray.

How ridiculous would it be to see a beautiful butterfly kicking it big with the caterpillars? If you can fly why remain confined? This is the sad truth and reality of many not continuing to be transformed from glory to glory. Yet, this confinement is exactly what will happen to us if we do not grow strengthening and exercising our spiritual wings in the strength of the Holy Spirit through submission to God’s will.

Relating Scriptures

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Holy Spirit is our Advocate-

1 John 2:1 (ESV)

My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.

John 14:26 (NET)

But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and will cause you to remember everything I said to you.

Father of Lies–

John 8:44 (ESV)

You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

Father of Light–

1 John 1:5 (ESV)

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.

James 1:17 (NIV84)

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

The Veil is lifted-

2 Corinthians 3:16-18 (ESV)

But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

God is faithful-

1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV84)

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Kingdom of light–

Colossians 1:12 (NIV84)

Giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

Rely on His Power-

Ephesians 6:10 (NIV84)

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

The Way, the Truth, and the Life–

John 14:6 (ESV)

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Masquerading, angel of light–

2 Corinthians 11:13-15 (NIV84)

For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.