Tag: Christ

Healing a Journey not a Destination

On By Christy VinesIn Life

“Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when the laughter ends, the grief remains.” Proverbs 14:13

I’m emerging from a very painful season. If you read my last blog “Walking through the Valley of Tears” I shared some of the sorrow of grief. Just as the seasons cycle throughout the year signified by leaves falling, freezing temperatures, blooming flowers and brutal Texas heat…life does the same on a less predictable calendar. In my own life joy has been restored, yet the grief remains. I’ve entered a season of healing where new life and death co-exist.

The topic of healing implies something is broken, not whole. Something that was….is no longer. A yearning arises to be restored to a previous state of health or completeness. It could be in the physical sense if afflicted with sickness or disease. This could also be in a relational sense when there is friction, division or death. I always like to leave things open and general in hope that anyone who reads may relate to a current situation in your own life. We all need healing in some way. The world we live in is full of tragedy and death. As we trudge through this thing called life I pray we never forget that healing is possible, one day at a time.

Healing is a journey not a destination. Along the path stones will be overturned uncovering more places of pain in dire need of His Redemption. These areas of brokenness revealed are opportunities to submit my fleshly desires to my Creator’s hands. As I remain humbly willing to undergo transformation on the Potter’s wheel, discomfort is certain…yet essential.

He continually shapes and molds me using His loving hands to remove rough edges & repair broken crevices by adding the water of grace to soften hardened clay. The removal of my self-protecting habits and tendencies is a mixture of internal & external pressure, stretching & thinning me beyond my preferred & comfortable status quo. This process offers opportunities to replace my self-reliance with trusting surrender to His will & ways.

My self-protecting approach to life benefits me in various ways or I wouldn’t utilize these behaviors. Yet they prevent me from flourishing in the life God has for me. Resentment blocks me from joy, but I believe by keeping people at arms length I won’t be hurt again. Fear is a thief with all the accompanying anxiety shrouding the peaceful existence Jesus freely offers, however I can use it as a tool of perceived control just to “play it safe”. If I avoid what has caused me harm I erroneously believe I won’t be hurt again.

Self-reliance has more precise applications. I can use gifts and skill sets that God has intended for good in selfish ways. I can use a gift of communication to appear honest and vulnerable but really only offer enough so people will leave me alone & not realize I’m struggling. I can serve others & stay productively busy not allowing time to slow down and admit pain I’m hiding from. I can pour myself into my family, friends, business, fitness…all good things improperly used as a source of fulfillment while hiding from memories and past events that only God can amend.

So often I seek symptom relief, not healing to the core. When I go to the doctor for a physical ailment, I go because of the pain. If it’s strep throat, it’s because I don’t want my throat to feel like its on fire. The doctor prescribes an antibiotic and after 24 hours my symptoms have begun to alleviate. I’m one of those people that forgets to finish my prescription just because I’m “feeling” better. However, this makes the probability of reoccurrence more likely because the antibiotic wasn’t able to complete the intended purpose of healing.

When I approach spiritual healing this way, I sell myself short. If I’m only willing to submit to the inner work when experiencing extreme discomfort I’m not being honest with myself about the existence of my true underlying brokenness. God’s grace operates in reality. No matter how difficult I must push into the painful reality & allow His healing hands to do the seemingly impossible redemptive work. Even the impossible is His reality.

Yet in this, my own healing isn’t for my comfort. Yes, I believe my Father loves me fiercely and faithfully. I’m certain He desires my wholeness and restoration! The impossible possibilities that only He can accomplish are personal and specific in His plan for my life…but it doesn’t end there. As uniquely and intricately designed we all are, we are still meant to live in connected community offering comfort to one another. However, if I am to have anything to offer it comes through the healing work His Spirit has done inside me. On my own I am nothing.

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not ourselves.” 2 Corinthians 4:7

The mention of pottery can easily lose meaning in our day and time. Long ago, the only containers available were made of clay. Containers and jars of all different sizes. If you wanted to carry or store an item, you used something made from clay. God is our Divine Potter and He shapes and molds us to carry His glory, His light. This is the source of strength and power that we have to offer to the world. This is the light that shines in darkness. This is the comfort we bring to one another.

There are many circumstances in life that I absolutely have not been able to bear. God’s presence alone has given me breath. I have experienced situations that have completely broken me and although I didn’t doubt God’s love for me, I couldn’t make sense of the devastation. One thing I am sure of, nothing is wasted in this mixture of clay. I will continue to allow Him to shape and mold me into a jar that can more effectively carry His hope. I will remain still until He calls me to move. I will yield to the internal and external pressure abiding in His love until one day I’m ready for the kiln and He calls me home.

As I embrace this season of healing I’m committed to fully experiencing the myriad of emotions. Especially the sadness. I don’t think He wants me to rush past it. I throw my sobbing self at His feet with all my anger, doubt, confusion, fear, frustration, bitterness, rage and despair then watch Him redeem it all. I allow myself room to cry because in the pouring out, He is ready to fill me up. He will not allow me to be empty. My tears & grief make room for less of me and more of Him. Thus life is a continual journey of healing as we are transformed to reflect more of Him & less of our fleshly desires, revealing our true self yielded to His empowering spirit.

If you have been in a season of grief and sorrow, I pray you believe that spring is coming. Let go of all expectation because He operates in ways beyond our wildest dreams. He does exceedingly and abundantly more than all we could ever hope or imagine. He is on His throne and can handle anything we throw at Him. Yet simultaneously He has bent down on His knees to gently whisper and affirm our immense value to Him. He catches each tear, not one is wasted. He has never forgotten you. I can attest to this in my own life, time after time. Let the healing begin.

“Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.” Isaiah 58:8

Preparation is Key

On By Christy VinesIn Our Anti-Kell Pregnancy Journey3 Comments

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

James 1:2-4

When I met Chaney over 10 years ago I had a couple birds. Well, several would be more accurate. He gives me a hard time saying I was one bird short of being the “Crazy Bird Lady”.  How many birds you ask? Eight. Eight of my feathered friends consisting of a parrot, cockatiel, two doves, and four parakeets. I’d tell you all of their names, but I don’t want to bore you. (I’m sure you’d rather know the name we have decided on for our baby boy…but I’ll get to that here in a few paragraphs. Just stay with me I promise this all has a purpose). I had a two bedroom apartment…one bedroom for me and one for my birds. They needed plenty of room to fly and exercise their wings. Needless to say when Chaney and I started a family, several of the birds had to go. It was really tough, but a new baby  trumps pets every time. Three were particularly close to my heart so we made it work & Chaney put up with my bird loving self. Ahem…. I’d like to add here —> I’ve also put up with Chaney’s reptile loving self. We have had several snakes & lizards over the years and to say I’m not a fan of the slithery kind is a drastic understatement.

 

One of these three was my parrot Kiwi, who flew away several years ago. That was rough, but is a separate story and a rabbit I won’t chase. The other two were my doves, Bebe and Coco. I found Bebe at a carwash 12 years ago, when she was a baby. She didn’t have any feathers and I had no idea what kind of bird she was. I went to Pet Mystique, my local pet store, and my friend Cindy guided me in the process of hand-feeding a baby bird. She had another customer who found an identical baby bird but had no desire to raise it, so I had two baby birds to take care of. Raising baby birds is no easy feat. I fed them every couple of hours, kept them warm, kept them clean…all while continuing to work and go to school. Luckily I worked for my Papa at Johnson Bros. Oil Co. and he and Barb (the real boss) let me bring the doves with me. I was able to stick to their feeding schedule during the day and at night.

 

At the age of 19 I learned a little bit about commitment and nurturing and how hard it really could be. In a way it was a crash course for motherhood. They thought I was their mom and would fly to me wherever I was in the house. They basically acted like a dog would, except not…they acted like two little doves. There is just something about doves that is very calming and peaceful to me. If you can’t relate, just think about your favorite pet of all time and pretend I’m talking about him/her. (Channel those emotions so you can experience this story and not miss out.) I bonded with these little doves and they have been with me ever since. They met my three kids. Moved to each new home with us. The girls enjoyed letting them fly around and see who they would fly to. The last 12 years of my life have included them. When we came home from my Papa’s 90th bday celebration in Austin this past weekend, I found out they were gone. I was in no way prepared to lose them anytime soon. However the way it happened made it devastating. Chaney met me on the way into the house and told me I didn’t want to go inside. The bull snake we’ve had for 9 years got out of his cage and into my doves’ cage. He killed them and ate them. I am a total mess. I could not get ahold of myself and Chaney picked me up off the ground and held me while I bawled. I didn’t have to see any of the aftermath as he cleaned everything before I came inside, but I’m still finding evidence of the attack, think of my sweet little doves and then I lose it all over again. This whole event came out of NO WHERE. I couldn’t have made the scenario up if I tried. Seriously after 9 years of having them both…..no problems…and then…. Ugh. I can’t even explain how torn up I am. Yes, I know snakes are a natural predator of doves, but I’m still baffled. I was not prepared for this. I’m heartbroken.

“For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven”

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Life is so much that way. Circumstances happen that absolutely wreck me because I am not prepared. I don’t see them coming. I am blindsided. These events can be life altering situations or smaller upsets, but truly don’t most situations that catch us off guard seem huge? Accidents, loss of job, sickness, just change in general…anytime these events hit it knocks the breath out of me. I’m learning more and more as I go through life how important it is to be prepared. I can’t be prepared for everything, and I get that, but I can continually gain my courage and strength from the One who isn’t surprised by anything. It’s almost paradoxical because the more I let go and trust God, the more prepared I am for what life has in store. Yet if I try to hold on and control every detail of my life, I find myself completely unprepared and my resources inadequate to face the uncertainties that inevitably come my way.

This week one of those uncertainties has shown up in our pregnancy as we had an elevated MCA scan on Tuesday. They were all over the place, with some very low, but we did have a couple at 1.5 MoM or over. Obviously that is not what we are wanting, but we are grateful for technology to let us know if our baby boy is becoming anemic. I emailed Dr. Moise’s office in Houston and they would like to see me on Monday. Chaney, Michael & I will head down on Sunday and be there for a couple days or the week. They will perform their own MCA scans and if our boy truly has become anemic due to my antibodies attacking him he will have an IUT performed to keep him from having a chain reaction of health issues. (If all these terms are completely foreign, I did my best to explain our anti-kell journey & terms in this previous blog.) The good news is we will already be in Houston for the IUT if it is in fact needed. If it is not, we will get to come home grateful for The Fetal Center and their expertise closely monitoring our boy. We will also have an opportunity to find out what we can expect in the weeks going forward pertaining to a tentative time frame for my temporary relocation and induction date.

“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.”

2 Peter 1:3

 

If you’d like to pray for our boy by name, we have decided on Chaney Tyler Vines. Most likely we will call him “Tyler” as having more than one “Chaney” in the house could get somewhat confusing. This name thing was a really interesting process and I’m so relieved to finally be able to talk to this man child and pray for him by name. We have talked to the girls and explained, as best we can, why we are seeing a doctor in Houston and why Tyler is going to be born there. I don’t want them to be worried, but I do want them to be involved and aware of what is going on. We are so thankful for the prayers and support from all our family and friends. I know we will continue to need your prayers and support in very practical ways especially in these coming weeks as our family’s lives will be out of routine and spread out across the state.

 

With my pregnancy, my prayer and focus has been to trust the Lord. My tendencies to control and get stuck in the details are constant and an area I must surrender repeatedly. Sometimes I struggle through the emotions and anger before I realize that I’m attempting to run the show. I’ve had many days where I scream in frustration and finally voice, “Man, I really need your help today Lord!” Then I start crying, because trying to do it by myself is really exhausting. Part of the joy of being human is experiencing emotion. It helps us have empathy for one another through the highs and the lows. Another part of being human is struggling through emotion. I think I’m getting better at “feeling my feelings” vs. “thinking about my feelings”. If you understand what I’m talking about we may have similar personalities/mind-styles. Typically I deal with life by logically approaching situations, including my emotions. Sometimes this can be really useful, but other times “feeling feelings” can be so vital to healing. Crying isn’t something I do very often, but I’ve done it quite often these past several months. I’m taking the time to slow down and be honest with myself about how I’m feeling and then allowing time to deal with it.

 

Not knowing how everything will happen logistically is driving me a little crazy, but this is where I’m doing my best to focus on faith in action. The foundation of scripture in my life is the most valuable gift my parents and spiritual mentors have passed to me. Without scripture I don’t know how I would have made it through difficult times with grace and dignity. There are so many verses that remind me of specific seasons of life. They remind me of moments in time when God revealed more of His character to me through his Word. I couldn’t really say “This is my FAVORITE verse” because there are countless verses that are meaningful. However right now, this verse is one that sticks out above the rest. It is one of comfort because it doesn’t focus on the variables of life but the certainty of God. This assurance is what I need remember every day, in every moment. This truth is what I cling to so I can be prepared for whatever happens. This verse to me signifies the intentionality of being prepared. Preparation is all about where my FOCUS is directed. He’s got my back.

“ I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.”

Psalm 16:8

dove-peace-micah-5

Exercising Her Wings

On By Christy VinesIn Uncategorized1 Comment

Okay so I’m attempting to post what I’ve already written without getting paralyzed by frustration in formatting. I have several writings with hyperlinks to other documents that include research on word studies and various scripture references, research on butterflies, etc. At some point I hope to have all the kinks worked out, but at the request of a friend I’m going to post the majority of what I’ve already written and go back later to add supporting documents. Like I stated in my “About”, I am a nerd, so a lot of the research may be boring to anyone who reads this, but it is super exciting and thought provoking for me. For now, I will add scripture references at the end of the page.

Writing #2-

This idea and process of being transformed is one not to be taken lightly. It requires intentional effort and the awareness and submission to Christ. The Holy Spirit is our advocate making a way to escape the darkness of our enemies. We face deceit at every turn, not only by the father of lies or prince of darkness, (what we call him does not matter as much as the understanding of his total opposition and contrast to our God, The Father of Light) but also from the world (culture, society) and our flesh. Our lives are lived in a physical climate covered in the depravity of sin. Our hope however is in Christ and with His death and resurrection the snare of sin is released. The veil is lifted and we have a chance in the battle for transformation. In Him we have won and are free to bathe in the glory of His light. Our physical circumstance or location doesn’t change, but our reality does. It changes because He is faithful and will not leave us in despair. Why are there so many of us who proclaim to know the Living God yet walk around lost, trapped and seemingly unaware? We must be attentive to His word and Spirit so we are not lead astray.

There are many ways to simply “change” the appearance of something, but there is only one who completely changes, alters, transforms, and fundamentally re-creates our identity from the inside out! Christ does this and we are transferred into the kingdom of light. Nothing can change our standing as his adoptive sons and daughters. Just as a butterfly emerges from her chrysalis and will never again be confined to the ground crawling, consumed by cravings for leaves as she did as a caterpillar, so we too never again need to be trapped by the lusts of our flesh. A butterfly doesn’t need understand by what exact scientific process of metamorphosis she changed and developed wings before deciding to fly. She doesn’t act like a caterpillar. She relishes in her new identity and flutters her glorious, brilliantly colored wings in the sun; flying free above the ground she was once confined. No one tells her she is still a caterpillar and if they did she wouldn’t listen. It is in her nature to be different, and so she is. How gracious of Elohim, our Creator God to gift us with so many examples of His creative glory.

It is often so much simpler to see ideas and concepts illustrated through nature. Animals exist by survival instincts and respond to their instinctual motivations without persuasion. A bird does not act like a frog, or a turtle as a fish. This would never occur as they just do what they were created for- LIVE. As they live they bring glory to God, just as the trees blowing in the wind and the flowers blooming in the spring all shout of the magnificent splendor of our King! All of creation worships God naturally, except for us. Out of all God created he chose one to bear his image, man. Sin entered this world through us, and as a result of the fall, we are all naturally bent toward sin. Once we receive salvation, the Holy Spirit is granted as the deposit on our soul, and we must rely on His power to fly freely or we will remain trapped by our former lusts.

“When the butterfly emerges from its chrysalis, its wings are small and wet, and the butterfly cannot yet fly. The butterfly must pump fluids from its abdomen through the veins in its wings, which causes the wings to expand to their full size. Next, the wings must dry and the butterfly must exercise flight muscles before it can fly.”

Christ transforms our identity, but we must continually and constantly remain in his love being transformed to His image. We must know Him. The following fact is most likely not new to most, but the moral is one that is too good to pass up.

“Federal agents don’t learn to spot counterfeit money by studying the counterfeits. They study genuine bills until they master the look of the real thing. Then when they see the bogus money they recognize it.” This quote is from John MacArthur’s Reckless Faith, but I’ve heard it referenced many times, and it holds so much truth to focusing on Truth instead of trying to “avoid” lies.

Rather than focus on all we shouldn’t do or all the evil in the world, we focus on Christ and His Word. He is the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father except through Him. That is certainty. From the truth that is Christ, His Word, and the Holy Spirit residing in us, we have power and light to recognize darkness. This is so vital because there is another who transforms, one who masquerades as an angel of light, one who deceives and entices. There are false apostles who themselves are deceived and if we do not know truth, we can easily be led astray.

How ridiculous would it be to see a beautiful butterfly kicking it big with the caterpillars? If you can fly why remain confined? This is the sad truth and reality of many not continuing to be transformed from glory to glory. Yet, this confinement is exactly what will happen to us if we do not grow strengthening and exercising our spiritual wings in the strength of the Holy Spirit through submission to God’s will.

Relating Scriptures

Image

Holy Spirit is our Advocate-

1 John 2:1 (ESV)

My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.

John 14:26 (NET)

But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and will cause you to remember everything I said to you.

Father of Lies–

John 8:44 (ESV)

You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

Father of Light–

1 John 1:5 (ESV)

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.

James 1:17 (NIV84)

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

The Veil is lifted-

2 Corinthians 3:16-18 (ESV)

But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

God is faithful-

1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV84)

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Kingdom of light–

Colossians 1:12 (NIV84)

Giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

Rely on His Power-

Ephesians 6:10 (NIV84)

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

The Way, the Truth, and the Life–

John 14:6 (ESV)

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Masquerading, angel of light–

2 Corinthians 11:13-15 (NIV84)

For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.

It began with a caterpillar

On By Christy VinesIn Uncategorized1 Comment

My initial thoughts began as I saw a butterfly flying in the sun, and realized she wasn’t always this beautiful. Several hours later I walked outside and was hit with moths attracted by our porch light and these are the words that followed, finding themselves on the pages of my journal…..

Metamorphosis

1) a profound change in form from one stage to the next in the life history of an organism

2) a complete change of form, structure, or substance as transformation by magic or witchcraft

3) any complete change in appearance, character, circumstance

Butterfly vs. moth-both go through the larvae-cocoon/chrysalis process, yet the butterfly comes out vibrant and the moth dull. The butterfly flies during the day and our eyes are attracted to her beauty. Moths (except for two large species) come out at night and are attracted to the light and blinded by their search for light. Why?

Writing #1 –

                As humans when we know Christ, others are attracted to the light in us. We thrive in His light. When we do not know Christ and are trapped in sin we live in darkness. Our sins are exposed by the light and our blind pursuit of happiness causes pain. We find ourselves in strange places-physical, spiritual, emotional, mental-because of this search for “light”. So often the things we choose to “fulfill” us are fake, plagiarized, deceit filled objects fed to us by the enemy. Just like a street light luring moths in to the soft glow amidst the black lit night, the enemy beckons us to accept life as it is in the flesh, satisfying lusts and distorted desires never seeking the true Son. The enemy wants us to settle for a fake source of light, a much lesser light which in the end will burn us and send us falling to the ground below. 

                When Christ’s light shines to expose our sin we are left with a decision-to change or remain. A moth and a butterfly are what they are. Their transformation from a caterpillar is merely external; it doesn’t change the kingdom of origination. Our change however is much more than what meets the mind’s eye.  The metamorphosis is one of continual renewal that changes our core identity and a transfer from the dominion of darkness into the kingdom of light. (Col. 1:12-14) Unlike a moth or butterfly our transformation is never complete, in this life, and the cocoon is not a shell of isolation, but one of loving community covering our sin with the blood of the Lamb.  This is the story of metamorphosis and it is ours to tell, our beauty to show the world as we fly free in the light of the Son.

Image